This topic is one of the most difficult and delicate for parents. How to build a conversation and what mistakes should be avoided?
Some parents prepare for such conversations in advance, stocking up on encyclopedias and educational films, others delay until the last moment.
What mistakes do many people make?
The conversation “about it” often arises spontaneously and passes without any script. For example, parents looked at the browsing history in the browser and found unexpected pages there that the child visited. We heard the jokes that the child makes in the yard. Or they simply were not prepared for a question like “what is an abortion?”.
And often the first reaction of a parent is anxiety and fear, manifested as aggression: what kind of questions, small yet, forget it and don’t repeat it, what a disgusting thing.
Or embarrassment – so strong that the child feels: the topic is so-so, it’s better not to approach parents with it, it’s more expensive for yourself.
Do not confuse talking about sex with anatomy lessons. Yes, it is important for girls and boys to learn how their body functions, what happens to it during different periods of growing up, what ovulation and ejaculation are.
But no less important is the psychological nature of sex as a manifestation of love for a loved one.
In addition, the principles of consent should be explained, depending on the age of the child. That no one has the right to touch him if it is unpleasant for him, and he should not do this either.
If your child has a social media account, explain why it is dangerous to send nude photos of yourself to anyone.
Information ahead of time
There is no clear answer to the question of when to talk to children about sex for the first time. In general, preschoolers may already be interested in how they were born and what role dad played in this. But few people are ready to listen to a whole lecture with pictures about how the female and male body works and what happens during conception.
A younger student may be interested in incomprehensible words that he heard about in the yard and learned from the Internet. For example, what is “fuck” or “prezik”.
But it is unlikely that the theses about the problems of puberty, as well as about the responsibility to the partner and the need to use these very “preziki” will be useful to him yet.
This problem is more common in parents of teenagers. Out of good intentions, they try to speak the same language with them – use slang words, joke that they are not yet ready for their grandchildren and will definitely call when they return from the dacha.
But this is not so much talking about sex as a violation of personal space, which is necessary for boys and girls. Therefore, the most appropriate tone is friendly and neutral.
And, of course, without personal examples – the least of all teenagers are ready to learn something about the intimate life of mom and dad.
Delegation of authority
Books, films and related programs have many advantages, but they will not replace dialogue with parents. And they won’t explain the main thing – with any, the most strange, ridiculous, stupid questions, you can always turn to dad or mom and get an answer, as well as support and a feeling that there is nothing terrible in your question or ignorance.
So it is possible and necessary to use books and films, but not as the main and only, but as an auxiliary source.